Book Review: Why Men Hate Going to Church (rev ed)

Christianity is not attractive to men at the moment. In fact, men hate going to church, according to David Murrow, the author of Why Men Hate Going to Church. Murrow argues that Christianity has become feminized since the industrial revolution to such an extent that men are leaving in droves or avoiding church like they avoid housework (my example - not his!). The men who do dominate the leadership positions in churches are actually feminized men who feel comfortable with, and demonstrate the characteristics of, women - intimacy, verbal communication, emotions, caring, touching etc.

The entire thesis of this book is premised on the assumption that men and women are completely different in their natures. (The author draws on the popular Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus by John Gray.) Murrow believes that most people conceive of Jesus Christ as living out the values ’that come naturally to women.’ The way that church is structured (in most Christian churches) appeals to women because of this belief about Christ and, therefore, men are left out in the cold. Christianity is seen as a "soft" faith and, if men are attracted to Christianity it is because they are ’highly verbal, sensitive, and relational.’ ”Real” men are into power, competition, achievement, practical skills, results, setting goals, etc. All of this is not deliberate, of course. But it's a very real problem.

How do we get men back into the church? Reverse the feminization of Christianity and bring masculine elements back into church worship and life. If the Church is to reverse the declining membership of its congregations (in the West, in particular) it needs to get men back into the pews. Women, it turns out, like churches with lots of men so the focus needs to shift to making the faith more masculine - and the women and children will follow.

Why Men Hate Going to Church is a passionate, fast paced read. It's powerful and persuasive. A lot of the material sounds reasonable and some of Murrow's assertions are backed up with empirical evidence. The idea of “masculinising” aspects of Christian belief and worship is certainly needed? For example, images of Jesus need to become more real than the effeminate versions of much Christian art. And the praise songs that have men singing to Jesus as his lovers definitely need to go!

But I experienced a degree of discomfort as I read this book. Firstly, the differences between men and women seems overly stereotypical. Very little is discussed in the book about the commonalities between men and women. The simplistic distinctions between men and women as described by, for example, John Gray have been criticized as excessively reductionistic and not reflecting how similar men and women are in so many respects. The picture drawn by Murrow seems to "black and white".

Secondly, Murrow's passion and enthusiasm for making his point sometimes borders on sexism. While the feminine is occasionally affirmed it would be easy to infer that the bad aspects of Christian worship and life are the product of female nature. I've only read the book once, but I can't recall any occasion where the author has remotely suggested that “masculine” Christianity may have its problems or any hint at the historical abuse of women by men who have suffered at the hands of men in power. I don't believe this is intentional but Murrow needs to be more careful about this aspect of his views.

In summary, Why Men Hate Going to Church is a passionate plea for the reconsideration of men's needs in our churches. It's a plea also being made outside the church in areas such as education. Men and boys do need healthy masculine role models in the church. Murrow's passion and enthusiasm for the concerns of men is great to see. For me, though, I would have liked to see a more substantial, objective argument presented for rejuvenating Christian worship for all. But then, maybe I'm not a “real” man!

Book details: David Murrow (2011). Why Men Hate Going to Church. Thomas Nelson.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

 

Journeys with Marvin Wray

Marvin Wray, Senior Pastor of Napa recently took a sabbatical where he road his motorcycle from one side of the North American Division to the other and back. Over seven weeks he visited 70 churches and was able to get a snapshot of the state of the Adventist Church in North America. In this video interview Marvin shares some of the stories of his trek and gives some startling commentary on the state of the church.

http://www.vimeo.com/23013599

New Blog Moderator

Please join me in welcoming Andrew Hanson as our new blog moderator.  Andy is Professor Emeritus California State University, Chico and a great advocate for the growth of Adventism.

I will continue to be involved as an occasional writer and commenter - both here, on the Facebook Page, and Twitter.  Andy is building a team of writers and geeks, to help The Wheel continue conversation started here several years ago by Marcel Schwantes.

Your participation is essential to continuing the conversation of helping the Church move into the 21st century, fully equipped to bring the Kingdom of God into the lives of those who are looking for Him - and a more abundant life.  It is through active discussion, non-antagonistic debate, fresh ideas, and different perspectives that we can build relationships and solidify community.  Community, true, heart-felt community, is how we best reflect the love of God.

Thank you for your support over the couple of years.  You can continue to find me on my personal blog (Daddytude.com), Facebook page, and Twitter.  It has been a pleasure serving you!

 Posted by Gary Walter http://bit.ly/gwalter

Mobile Apps for Spiritual Navigation

The Adventist Church’s new Revival and Reformation Committee has recently released a new mobile app called InPrayer. According to the report in the Adventist Review citing the Committee’s website, the InPrayer app

… is designed to facilitate a global prayer chain that prays for an outpouring of the Holy Spirit. This prayer movement, called 777, is designed to encourage Seventh-day Adventists to pray 7 days a week at 7:00 a.m. and 7:00 p.m. It is part of a larger initiative to encourage revival and reformation within the Seventh-day Adventist Church.

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When tradition overtakes Bible study

This quarter’s Sabbath School Lessons are on the book of Romans. Sadly, the opening paragraph of Lesson 1 opens by saying:

Ideally, in our study of the book of Romans, after a study of the historical background, we should begin with Romans 1:1 and then go through the entire book verse by verse. Because only one quarter has been allotted to the study of the book, we have had to be selective in what parts we can study. The book could easily take four quarters, not one, to explore. Hence, only the key chapters, in which the basic message is contained, will be covered.

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Dispassionate Spirituality, or Why we aren't being fruitful...

(This article was originally posted at Adventist Today)

Since the creation of the Earth, growing things has been relatively straightforward.  Take a seed, put it in the ground, make sure it gets enough water and sunlight, and a few months later you’ll be eating well.  Sure, you can get more sophisticated, but these are the basic elements for physical, and spiritual growth.

My Beautiful Wife is currently teaching herself, and our kids, to be tomato ranchers.  A couple of months ago, they picked out a variety of tomato seeds, planted them in some starter soil, and made sure they stayed warm and moist.  Since then, they have shared almost two-dozen tomato plants with friends, family, and neighbors.

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The Importance of Criticism

by Andy Hanson

I can clearly remember how I, as a teacher, felt on the last day of school when a student returned my copy of the high school year book. I hadn't seen it in a week. It had been passed around from student to student in a large high school. Where it had been, who had written in it, and what they had written were still a mystery as I drove home on Thursday afternoon. I was apprehensive. What had they said? Their grades had been turned in, and the seniors, at least, could really tell me what they thought of me as a person and as a teacher without fear of retribution. And there was always the possibility that unflattering anonymous messages might be scrawled across prominent signature pages.

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Reflections On The Homosexuality Conference

Guest post from apokalupto blogger, David Hamstra

There's still time for me to jot down a few final thoughts on the Marriage, Homosexuality, and the Church Conference I attended last week at Andrews University. It's also time for me to share my position on the debate over whether homosexual sex is sinful, since that will inform the comments that follow. My theology on this issue is informed by presuppositions I have found to be well articulated here.

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Depression in Pastoral Ministry

Guest Post by Ryan Bell

Yesterday’s USA Today carried the disturbing story of a 42-year old pastor in North Carolina who committed suicide. I was deeply moved as I read about this young man who had apparently come to the end of his hope and, in complete despair, took his own life. Suicide is rare among pastors, the article reports, but many live with depression. Loneliness, isolation and the resistance of congregations to cultural change are cited as primary causes of depression.

The day before, the New York Times ran a piece entitled “Kierkegaard on the Couch,” by Gordon Marino. After reading the piece twice I began to discern the important distinction he makes between depression and despair and Kierkegaard’s concern for the spiritual dimensions of despair.

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We Are Sabbath, Part II: An Event Worth Celebrating

Guest post by Travis Claybrooks

She...was...PERFECT! All 7lbs. 6oz. of little Abeni Michele Claybrooks – PERFECT! At about 12:25, on an early Sunday morning, October 2, 1994, Abeni let the world know that she had arrived. Boy, could she yell! It was a moment to celebrate – the birth of a baby. Our best of friends were crowded there in the hospital room. New grandparents were on the phone. There I was juggling conversations between both, lost in sheer ecstasy.

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Worshiping the Sabbath vs Worshiping on the Sabbath

Guest post by Travis Claybrooks

Recently, we celebrated my oldest daughter, Abeni's 15th birthday. She was born October 2, 1994 and I remember that day like it was yesterday. I remember all the details of the experience – the labor, the delivery, the incompetent nurses that didn't believe that she was-a comin' right now! I remember feeling real good as I tastied her with my kisses, touching her with my hands, hearing her extremely loud cry, smelling that newborn baby smell, and just seeing the miracle of something that, just a short while ago, was not.

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Adventist Church Launches Youtube Channel

This is well done:

 Posted by Gary Walter
http://bit.ly/gwalter

Relevance, Part 3

A couple of things have happened in the last few weeks that inspired me to begin this series on relevance.  This will be the concluding post - but you may find this theme throughout much of what I write (both in the past, and in the future).  When I preach, when I write, when I do just about anything, I ask myself, what is the point?  And this becomes the question I have to ask about God, His Word, and His Church - what is the point?

For me, I've found meaning in God.  The Bible was a little more challenging - but once I moved past the cultural distortions, I have found great relevance in those words.  I'm still wrestling with the Church though.  I'm wondering, what is it that people are trying to do there?

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Exporting Adventism

Overseas not long ago, I had an interesting interaction with an Adventist pastor. I had just finished telling him about a person who had expressed to me a desire to begin keeping Sabbath and to be baptized. I would have expected him to be thrilled with the news, as this individual had been an ongoing ‘project’ for him for some time. To my surprise the pastor appeared disappointed, annoyed, and even a little angry.

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Egocentric mission or inclusivist gospel?

I've just finished reading an article in Adventist World about the "Roadmap to Mission" draft document to be edited and presented at the Annual Council of the General Conference Executive Committee in October 2009.

According to Mark Kellner's report, the document affirms that

"[t]he goal of Seventh-day Adventist evangelistic and outreach work among adherents of world religions is to bring people into a saving faith in Jesus Christ..."

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Relevance, Part 2

Image by Lawrence OP via Flickr

When I look around at others, and I try to understand people's motives for church attendance, I am often baffled. I don't really understand why people choose to attend a weekly church service – or get involved at a deeper level. But my not understanding probably says more about me, then it does about the people I'm trying to understand.

Typically, I am not a joiner. I tend to not just go along because everyone else is doing something. As a certified introvert, I tend to prefer my own company over that of others. So, when I see groups of people gathering – for anything, not just church – I am left a little confused as to what their motives, or intentions are.

Read more »

Event: Idea Camp Coming to Portland

Idea Camp followed us on Twitter a few days ago, but other than liking the name, I didn't think much of it.  Then, last night, two of my friends invited me to the Facebook event listing for the Portland event.  Now, I don't know about you, but I get a lot of "invites" on Facebook, and most aren't worth my time, but since I recognized the name, I took a look.

If you're familiar with the OpenSource software movement, or the openspacee format of the un-conference, you'll recognize this format.  I've attended various tech events locally, and have been thinking the Church needs to embrace this format of reaching out to our culture, but I haven't had the time to make it happen - yet.

In a nutshell, what this does is to take your online social networking into the real world - and vice versa...

But here it is, live, and coming to PDX!

More details here: http://theideacamp.ning.com/page/icpnw-details

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• Why You'll Love Portland, Oregon (centernetworks.com)

Pitcairn: Paradise Lost

Seventh-day Adventists have had a longterm interest in Pitcairn Island. It has been presented as a model case of the Adventist life. Pitcairn Island has also fascinated the wider society for over 200 years. Way out in the middle of nowhere in the South Pacific, it was discovered by the British in 1767, and populated in 1790 by a group of mutineers from HMS Bounty and a number of Tahitian men and women led by Fletcher Christian. Alcohol, murder, disease, and a range of other nasties killed off most of the population. John Adams began reading the ship's Bible and the Church of England's Prayer Book. The islanders converted to Christianity and constructed 'a new and peaceful society' that has become legendary. They later became Seventh-day Adventists. Here is what Sir Charles Lucas wrote in Pitcairn's register book in 1829:

Many notable cases of religious conversion have been recorded in the history of Christianity, but it would be difficult to find an exact parallel to that of John Adams. The facts are quite clear. There is no question as to what he was and did after all his shipmates on the island had perished. He had no human guide or counsellor to turn him into the way of righteousness and make him feel and shoulder responsibility for bringing up a group of boys and girls in the fear of God.

He had a Bible and a Prayer Book to be the instruments of his endeavour, so far as education, or rather lack of education, served him. He may well have recalled to mind memories of his own childhood. But there can be only one straightforward explanation of what took place, that it was the handiwork of the Almighty, whereby a sailor seasoned to crime came to himself in a far country and learnt and taught others to follow Christ. (cited in Ford 2008, emphasis supplied)

Idyllic, exotic, Christian, peaceful, crime-free, away from the rest of the sinful world, 'the handiwork of the Almighty'. Wouldn't you just love to live there?

Until recently, you might very well have wanted to. The problem is that, in 2000, a police investigation began that was to uncover widespread, decades-long, multi-generational child sexual abuse that probably goes back to the beginnings of the island. Almost every man on the island is implicated and almost every girl who lived there has been a victim of this abuse. The ensuing trials have torn this small community apart and the romantic mythology around Pitcairn Island is forever gone.

Kathy Marks was one of only six journalists allowed on the island during the trials. Her book Pitcairn: Paradise Lost tells the sickening tale of the generations of abuse, the trials, and the aftermath down to its conclusion in 2007. Well — the conclusion as far as legalities go. The women who suffered at the hands of the incredible evil of men, who were allowed to perpetrate these crimes, suffer on as these pedophiles and abusers are "punished" with sentences that are minimal compared to what they would receive in Australia or New Zealand.

Marks's book is agonising to read. Her story is divided into two parts. The first part is on the island itself as she describes Pitcairn's 'surreal little universe in the middle of nowhere'; the romantic mythology that has developed around Pitcairn — now completely shattered; the courage of one girl who finally speaks out about the pervasive abuse; the wielding of power by a few men who are free of the normal legal accountability of most decent societies; the duplicitous propaganda spread by even the women on the island who try to rationalise away the perverse behaviour of even their husbands and sons; and the trials that were frustrated by women and girls often manipulated to retract statements or withdraw from being witnesses.

In Part 2 of the book, the author "steps back" from the island and views 'Pitcairn from a distance'. How did the myth of Pitcairn develop? What role did politics and power play in the events on Pitcairn? And he silence and collusion of women and visitors who worked on the island. The story is heartrending as Marks documents how these little children were abused and raped as young as 3 years old. The men (and women) on Pitcairn Island accepted that 'this is just the way it is' on Pitcairn. While the image of a Christian society, free from crime, was perpetuated by those living on Pitcairn and authorities that interacted with the islanders, men were brazenly forcing young girls into the forests of the island and destroying their innocence and scarring them for life.

For those of us looking from the outside, it is hard to believe that such perverted evil could go on for so long with noone doing anything about it. It is also difficult to believe that denominational leaders could not have known. The Adventist Church has always had a resident pastor and nurse on the island (SPD Staff/ANN 2001). How could they not know?

Kathy Marks documents a number of people who either suspected or knew of the ongoing abuse and the attitudes of the islanders. These individuals never said anything or, if they did, were dismissed by those in authority. It is reassuring that at least one of the people mentioned in the book, a friend of mine and who lived on Pitcairn for some time in a professional role, was one of only a couple of people who spoke out about what they were observing on Pitcairn.

Pitcairn: Paradise Lost reveals an incredible litany of evil on a little island we thought was paradise. That paradise has been lost as we have realised that it never was. Kathy Marks's book Pitcairn: Paradise Lost lays bare the real hell of that imaginary paradise — at least what we know. Who knows what else will be uncovered in the future (there is emerging evidence of the oppression and abuse of adult women and child-to-child sexual abuse).

Simone Weil has written that '[w]e must prefer real hell to an imaginary paradise.' Pitcairn was an imaginary paradise. We must have the courage to confront and acknowledge the real hell of Pitcairn. The 'handiwork of the Almighty'? I don't think so.

References

Ford, H 2008, Pitcairn Island & Pacific Union College, Pacific Union College, viewed 15 February 2009, <http://library.puc.edu/pitcairn/studycenter/pit_puc.shtml>.

SPD Staff/ANN 2001, Turning Point for Historic Adventist Community on Pitcairn Island news.adventist.org, viewed 15 February 2009, <http://news.adventist.org/data/2001/0991166375/index.html.en>.

North American Adventism, by the numbers

by Tompaul Wheeler

I was momentarily tempted to post something about the latest Adventist News Network release about Adventist membership in North America topping a million, but then I realized that I was pretty sure we'd done that before, so maybe this was just a technical thing, and then I skimmed the actual article and the numbers just didn't seem to make sense. I moved on with my life, so I'm glad Alex Carpenter posted this:

Back in 2004 the Adventist Review News reported that:

'North American Division membership has passed the one million mark-1,001,872 as of October 21, 2004.'

Apparently the news is that we're continuing to top one million. Hmm? According to the most recent numbers helpfully available for us lay folk through the church's adventiststatistics.org, in 2006 the NAD recorded 1,041,715 members.

I applaud the focus on weeding out the excess on the books, but if, as the secretary states, the NAD grew at a 2% rate over the last five years (including losses) than we should be just hovering around 1,100,000. (The 2003 membership was 992,046.) Four years later, the news is that the NAD tops 1 million?

What's missing from the most recent Annual Council report in the Adventist Review is the actual 2007 number. Why?

Also not included in the report: the amount of money invested by the division, unions, conferences, local churches and individuals in public evangelism during 2007...

The slightly deflated numbers appear (based on what I've read elsewhere) to be related to a stronger emphasis on accurate, up-to-date bookkeeping, which is certainly laudable. Carpenter goes on to address church evangelism dollars which could appear to be invested more effectively.

The October 9, 2008 Adventist Review had a map of the U.S. and Canada, divided by regions, with Adventist to population ratios. One could assume that the Adventist church would do best in the South and Mid-America regions, but that's not at all the case. In those conservative regions, where religion is more closely tied to personal identity and people are set in their ways, the ratio is only 1:251 (hurray for all the old Adventists moving to Florida!) and 1:420, respectively. But up in the North Pacific region, by far the most secular part of America, the ratio is 1:143. (Even more secular Canada is 1:574, but that's for the entire country, where, as in Quebec, heritage and religion are tightly linked despite a general secularness (secularity?); Adventist statistics for the British Columbia conference are somewhat better than the nation as a whole.)

This reminds me of something I heard a church planting expert say several years ago (it was probably back at seminary): that church planting is most effective in the most secular areas. I think that rather than old-school evangelism, the North American church should focus on church planting and building fresh congregations, because, like it or not, the newer a church is, the easier it is for it to draw new members--and vice versa.

Different economics

by Nathan Brown

Most of the biggest news stories from this year so far have been focused on economics. From stock markets, exchange rates, interest rates, oil prices and food shortages in some parts of the world, many of the economic systems and implications we as a society have tended to take for granted are being brought into focus and questioned, particularly with regard to sustainability. As Christians, we are asked the same questions but these questions offer us the opportunity to urge some different answers.

One of the first realisations is a reminder that much of the current economic systems of our world—based as they are on greed, exploitation, injustice and absurd over-consumption—is wrong. That may not be the easiest thing to say. In times of stress, people tend to stick to what they know.

But the economic theory upon which so much of the way we live our lives is that which “inspires our pursuit of as much resource use and waste production (also known as economic growth) as possible, as fast as possible” (Brian McLaren, Everything Must Change). The comparative privilege enjoyed by most of us in the developed world is subsidised at the expense of the rest of the world. We need to be prepared to recognise it for the wrong it is, and use the stresses of economically difficult times to prompt us to consider how we, individually and as a society, might do things better.

As part of this process we need to ask ourselves if our lives and even our faith are so entangled in the economy as it is that we are unable to imagine other ways of ordering our lives and our world. Those who promote and profit from our economic systems have powerful voices, tuned to convince us of their importance and pre-eminence. Indeed, the prevailing economic forces can be described as

a religious movement of previously unheard-of proportions. Progress is its underlying myth, unlimited economic growth its foundational faith, the shopping mall (physical or online) its place of worship, consumerism its overriding image, ‘I’ll have a Big Mac and fries’ its ritual of initiation, and global domination its ultimate goal (Brian J Walsh and Sylvia C Keesmaat, Colossians Remixed).

In the face of rampant market-driven capitalism, it becomes increasingly clear why Jesus said, “You cannot serve God and money” (Matthew 6:24, NLT). He went on to urge that we should not worry about what we should eat, drink or wear—and the list would probably be longer if the Sermon on the Mount had been preached to 21st-century consumer in a shopping mall rather than to rural peasants on a hillside—and reminds us to look first to God who “already knows all your needs” and “will give you all you need from day to day if you live for him and make the Kingdom of God your primary concern” (Matthew 6:32, 33, NLT).

But even as we ask some of these questions of our own lives, we need to be quick to realise that the poor and already disadvantaged are always first to suffer in whatever stresses impact society. We must be asking how we as individuals and as churches can reach out to those who are hurting financially and emotionally in our communities and around the world.

Giving is the ultimate rebuttal to an economy built on getting and having. We must resist the temptations that uncertainties bring to try to build walls of protection around ourselves. Instead, as Jesus recommended, by our generosity and faithfulness we demonstrate that our treasure is to be found in the kingdom of heaven (see Matthew 6:20). Even in various end-time scenarios—in which economic turbulence often seems to figure—we must shift the focus away from mere self-preservation, whether spiritual or physical.

Adventist writer Chris Blake offers an inspiring alternative vision of the people of God responding to potential crises:

Let God’s people transition to new models of transforming grace of Christian community. Christianity has never been about isolationism, and never will be. . . . In the midst of imminent collapse, Adventist homes open to the dispossessed and fearful. Adventist churches and schools become cities of refuge and outposts of mercy. Sanctuaries house the homeless. Playing fields plough up into gardens. As a world self-destructs, chapter 2 of Acts emerges before our wondering eyes. . . . This is our finest hour (Swimming Against the Current).