Rigorous Honesty, Part 2

By Marcel Schwantes

I often coach men coming out of addiction recovery programs. They understand the consequences of their decisions after having hitting the bottom of the pit, and the steps they now need to take to stay sober and living healthy. But for thousands of others, they will continue to struggle secretly with something they have no power over.

There is a clear path to recovery, and it begins by rejecting the lifestyle of lies and self-deception. One of the realities of addictive behaviors is that those affected quickly master "the art of deception." They become good at hiding their behavior, masked behind denial, half-truths, and covering their tracks. Honesty and integrity are the first casualties of an addiction.



Another misconception is that all you need to do is pray your addiction away. Prayers of confession in hopes that your porn habit will go away may result in that instant feeling of forgiveness, but the lingering patterns of addiction may not just go away in an instant. Even after confession, repentance and forgiveness, the compulsion remains, and sometime intensifies.

Sometimes spiritual warfare leads to a crisis of faith ("what's wrong with me that I still want to watch porn, or polish off this bottle of Vodka, even after praying?!?"). Confessing your addiction to the Almighty only to have it still hold you by the throat the next day can make a brother question his faith, or whether God truly gives a rip about you.

While a private prayer of confession is a start, recovery is a long and winding road. Deliverance from this stronghold demands a much wider level of disclosure.

It continues with increasing your scope of confession--telling your story to a counselor, then being able to be honest an open with a recovery group. As repentance is put into practice, your circle of disclosure widens. Scary for some to think about, yes, but it must be done. What is non-negotiable for effective recovery is rigorous honesty and accountability regarding abstinence from (or lapses with) that substance or behavior. Did I mention that this is a non-negotiable?

Rigorous honesty, not brutal honesty

As you share and disclose to your support groups and trusted community, remember the difference between "rigorous honesty" and "brutal honesty." Brutal honesty is self-centered. Its focus is saying whatever is true just to make you feel good about yourself, or to relieve your guilt. Rigorous honesty, on the other hand, is authentic. It respects the effects of your disclosure on others. It protects others from being harmed by it. Rigorous honesty and boundaries come together as a package deal.

Complete and utter honesty is vital for recovery. And if public disclosure is deemed more brutal than rigorous, then progressive disclosure may be your best bet. Often this means sharing your story, honestly and transparently, with a trusted mentor, counselor, pastor or coach at first, and then with increasingly wider circles of people.

:::

Marcel Schwantes is a professional certified Life Coach specializing in Leadership, Spiritual Integrity and Relationships. He coaches individuals and organizations across the country by phone and in person. He can be reached here.